Guys are just not brought up to show their emotions. Or trained to give compliments! So lots of guys’ sweet words to their girlfriends just don’t ring true.
But how does a guy give a nice compliment? Because complimenting is an important skill.
Couples should be complimenting each other all the time – both men and women. And it definitely has to be done right with a new girlfriend!
Compliments should be specific and detailed. So just telling her she has beautiful eyes won’t do much for you. While telling her something unique will work way better: “That bracelet matches your dress perfectly!”
People are sceptical of generalities, but you’ll be believed when you draw attention to the details.
For maximum impact praise effort rather than talent, achievements rather than appearance, and stress how she’s affected you.
EMOTIONAL LANGUAGE
So she’ll respond better to “I think your essay was brilliant, you must have really worked on it” for example, than to “Your lips are sexy”. And she’ll love to hear “Your writing really inspired me”.
Speak clearly, concisely, use emotional language, and say it like you mean it: “You look absolutely stunning!”
But you must of course be genuine — so she knows your words are true, sees warmth in your smile and real appreciation in your eyes.
Your compliment will fail if it feels like it has an ulterior motive. So “Nice shoes, wanna go round to my place now?” will fall as flat as a pancake.
And don’t exaggerate: “This is the best meal I’ve ever eaten” sounds insincere, while “That was delicious!” works well.
Don’t go complimenting her when you’re in the doghouse. It won’t help at all. And avoid backhanded compliments that only sound nice until their real meaning hits.
So resist saying “You’ve lost so much weight!’ or “Nice nails, are they real?” And watch your tone of voice – you know how the meaning of a sentence changes depending on which word you emphasise…
COMPLIMENT OR FLIRT?
Avoid demeaning comments, like complimenting a sexual body part. And a compliment must be appropriate. Like it’s rarely okay for a boss or employee to comment about the other’s appearance. Your intentions will be misunderstood.
Don’t compliment everyone the same exact way, or word will get around and everyone will feel you’re faking. Especially be aware of the difference between a compliment and a flirt – and keep them apart!
When you’re complimenting, wait for a response, smile sincerely, and stay a respectable distance away.
If you’re flirting, make more intense eye contact, smile more, move in a little closer and touch her lightly: “I love that scent you’re wearing (lean right in and sniff) — what is it?”
Complimenting doesn’t only improve your relationships, it also improves you. Making you more aware of the good in others — and in yourself.
Improving your confidence and positivity. So start practicing now. It’s an essential dating skill. And once you get married, it’ll be worth it’s weight in gold!
By CHRIS HART (Love and Relationship Expert)
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